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(Not) Writing

I haven't written anything for my new Tyler/Caroline story since last Sunday morning when I jotted some stuff down in my notebook. And I haven't opened the Word document since Thursday last week. :(

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( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
txgirl0302
Mar. 23rd, 2013 09:03 pm (UTC)
*Hugs* I hope you feel inspired soon. Or now. Right now. Open Word. Ramble a bit. Get the wheels a turnin. Do it. Do it now.

LOL jk. Just let it come to you when you're ready.
aka_paloma
Mar. 24th, 2013 03:53 am (UTC)
It's not even that I'm lacking inspiration. I have the whole story plotted out in head. I just need to get it down. It's that the revelations from last weekend, where I discovered the lack of T/C fic wasn't due to a lack of fanficcers in the TVD community in general, but a lack of T/C ficcers specifically that's still getting me down. The T/C stories at Fanfiction.net amount to LESS than one-fifth of the K/C stories. And that depresses the fuck out of me. It makes me want to curl up and die, not sit up and write. Which it should do. It should totally make me want to write EVEN MORE fic for T/C because THEY deserve it. (And by "THEY" I'm not sure whether I mean T/C or T/C shippers. Both? Yeah, both.) Like, despite actually being a canon couple, T/C's fic numbers make them seem like a rare pair. WTF?

And you're right. I should just open up that Word doc, and reread it at the very least so it might get things rolling again. During the writing for The Beast, I went through this, although that was a I-suck-at-writing-T/C-fic-and-smc_27-and-stainofmylove-etc-are-so-much-better-writers-than-me-let-me-die-of-shame thing. I didn't open that doc for a month--at least. Once I finally opened it again then, yeah, I resumed writing. Will I open the doc tonight? I don't know. I honestly don't. Probably not. I'll probably finish watching Being Human's final series. Or seeing if Vikings 1x04 was ripped from the website and is available for downloading and watch that. *sigh*

What's also got me spiralling into this non-writing state and making me want to go all fetal is seeing the latest K/C bullshit (episode-related and fandom-related) on Tumblr and I just...talk about depressing the fuck out of me. That is SUCH and abusive ship and yet it's getting so much fic written about it. (And I'm guessing it's not to responsibly and honestly address that abuse, but rather to romanticise it and turn it into a Prince Charming and his lady love scenario instead. *vomit-rage*) Meanwhile, the healthiest ship TVD has had (or will EVER have, IMO), and yet is still full of SO MUCH angst and story potential because it is a rich and complex pairing, is tossed by the roadside and left for dead. THIS MAKES NO SENSE TO ME.
txgirl0302
Mar. 24th, 2013 04:21 am (UTC)
I feel you in the depression that TVD causes. I hate everything about the show right now and I desperately wish to rid myself of it and yet I stay. Sigh. Klaus' continue abuse of Caroline and how the fandom romanticizes that romance sends me into a blind rage and they into a painful depression. I remember the days when tumblr adored and loved TC. EVERYONE shipped them (mind the Bonnie stans and MC hopefuls). Now, people rather indulge their self insert fantasies that truly care about the characters that are being harmed. It's gross. It all comes back to the fact that Plec romanticizes and makes characters like Klaus and Damon out to be the tragic victims of their own abuse. "Caroline is drawn to Klaus because we are drawn to him." In what fucking universe are "we" drawn to him. You mean the misogynistic parts of the fandom that you pander to? Then yes, but for the sensible and intelligent part of the fandom Klaus is an abusive jackass you stupid woman. Ugh. I loathe JP with a fiery passion. Her love for the woobies is so damn irritating.

As you know, I still believe in you and I admire you and your work, so don't count yourself short. You are a talented writer Paloma. We can't always compare ourselves to others or we will forever live in the land of shame. So try not to think of other's work when you are writing, or thinking of writing or do anything concerning writing. Focus on your own. Do what you need to do, what you feel, to make your story come to life. Don't worry about living up to others' writing, because that's just crazy! Have you seen some fo the graphics people make?! They are insanely good. So yeah I get it. I look at my stuff and I wish I was more creative. I wish I could look at a scene or a still photo through an creative and artistic lens and create something beautiful, but I can't. I don't have it in me. I can't see a grand picture like other's can. I can't see pieces of a bigger puzzle and piece them together with colors and textures. But I don't let it stop me from making my own creations. Because I enjoy it. You wouldn't tackle another story if you didn't enjoy writing right? Being creative is extremely difficult, in all its forms. Anyone who says different is a lying lair who lies. But we do it because it's something we love and enjoy doing. We do it for ourselves, the challenge and satisfaction we get with a finished product after all of our handwork. And we do it to share with others with the same common interests. The life of a fangirl. ;)

So don't let it get you too down okay?

To answer your question, Vikings 1x04 has been ripped from the site and is available for DL. :)
aka_paloma
Mar. 24th, 2013 05:39 am (UTC)
"Caroline is drawn to Klaus because we are drawn to him."

Ugh. In what fucking universe indeed! Plec is crazy. She's a crazy fangirl who has been given more power than any other fangirl in the history of fangirling ever has had. And this is an object lesson as to why fangirls should never ever be in charge. You serve the story and the character, not your own self-insert Mary Sue fantasies. SMH.

Dude, no. Your graphics are amazing. In scoping out various Tumblr accounts I came across a reblog of one of your posts. When I saw it, it just stopped me dead in the midst of scrolling. I LOVED how the gifs had been turned into black and white images and had just minimal colouring. The blue in the first one is JUST GORGEOUS and perfect. And then I looked down and saw the source was teamlockwood, and I was all OF COURSE IT WAS GEN. GEN IS A MASTER. It was so simple and spare, and yet a wonderful illustration of how it was such a significant moment in defining who T & C and T/C were at that point in S3. How beautifully sad they were. (And still are. *SIGH*)

It's the fandom as a whole that is getting me down. (I won't even read summaries of any new T/C fanfic that pop up for fear of also having inadequacy issues added to the reasons as to why the story has come to a standstill.) I hate it so much. I should have waited until finishing the story before actively getting involved on Tumblr and being bombarded by the stupid. Oh, well. Too late now! *laughs like a crazy woman*

Vikings 1x04 has been ripped from the site and is available for DL.

Thank you! :D
txgirl0302
Mar. 24th, 2013 06:55 am (UTC)
Chick is delusional. Ugh.

D'aww. *Blushes* Thanks Paloma!

Sigh. I miss them. A lot. I hate that I love them so much, but then I re-watch their story and I can't hate them for it. I don't understand how the show did them so right and does them so wrong at the same time. They were too good for this show.

The TVD fandom is the worst. Tumblr doesn't make it ANY better. The amount of stupid I see from them on a daily basis is staggering and frustrating. I hate it.

You are most welcome. My Vikings obsession is definitely growing. I just adore the Lothbroks and Athelstan. I don't know if I love Ragnar or Lagretha more lol. Both. Both is good.
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )

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